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bilingual puns
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retrosorter
2007-01-23 20:08:27 UTC
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A friend recently told me this one-liner: "What do you get when you
cross a condom with a Torah?

Answer- A safer Torah. (in Hebrew, sefer torah refers to Torah scroll.)

This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual puns.
m***@gmail.com
2007-01-23 20:42:00 UTC
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Post by retrosorter
This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual puns.
I sure hope not!
John Seal
2007-01-23 20:55:42 UTC
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Post by retrosorter
This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual puns.
Like the one about the snail automobile race? When the snail with the
letter S painted on his car pulled ahead, spectators exclaimed "Look at
that S car go!"
j***@yahoo.com
2007-01-23 21:19:10 UTC
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Turenne
2007-01-23 21:46:11 UTC
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Post by retrosorter
A friend recently told me this one-liner: "What do you get when you
cross a condom with a Torah?
Answer- A safer Torah. (in Hebrew, sefer torah refers to Torah scroll.)
This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual puns.
J. Joyce, /Finnegans Wake/, or so I'm told.
V. Nabokov, passim. "Van, /je suis sur la verge/ (Blanche again) of a
revolting amorous adventure." (/Ada/, Part Two, Chapter 1, p. 334. A
character named Blanche had given a memorable speech in Franglais.)
A pachuco is cruising in his lowrider and sees a pretty girl from
behind. He opens the window and calls out, "Hop on, esa!"
She says, "How did you know I'm Japanese?"
How do you spell socks?
S-o-c-k-s.
¡Eso sí que es!
Apologies to a.u.e.-ers and former a.u.s.-ers who have suffered through
those last two before.
Are explanations in order? "Verge" is French for penis. "Esa",
literally "that", is a friendly pachuco address to a girl or
woman--feminine of "ese", from the greeting "¡Ese bato!", "that guy!"
"Japonesa" is Spanish for a female Japanese. The last punchline is
Spanish that I can't parse for something like "That's just what it is!"
--
Jerry Friedman
--
Jerry Friedman
A story I was told concerned an englishman whose wife died in France
where they were living. As he needed a black hat for the funeral, he
went to a hatters and asked for 'un capeau noir'. On being told that
they didn't have any 'capeaux noir' he was directed to the pharmacy.
Arriving at the pharmacists he asked again for 'un capeau noir' and
when the pharmacist said sorry they only had them in clear, red and
blue, asked why he wanted a capeau noir, to which the englishman
answered, 'parce que ma femme est mort'.The pharmacist held up his
hands and exclaimed, 'aah, quelle finesse!'

Richard Lichten
Don Phillipson
2007-01-23 21:53:24 UTC
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Richard Lichten "Turenne" <***@virgin.net> wrote in message news:***@j27g2000cwj.googlegroups.com...

< < . . . an englishman whose wife died in France
where they were living. As he needed a black hat for the funeral, he
went to a hatters and asked for 'un capeau noir'. On being told that
they didn't have any 'capeaux noir' he was directed to the pharmacy.
Arriving at the pharmacists he asked again for 'un capeau noir' and
when the pharmacist said sorry they only had them in clear, red and
blue, asked why he wanted a capeau noir, to which the englishman
answered, 'parce que ma femme est mort'.The pharmacist held up his
hands and exclaimed, 'aah, quelle finesse!' > >

Next time you tell the story, remember it is
CAPOTE not CAPEAU. It goes better thus.
--
Don Phillipson
Carlsbad Springs
(Ottawa, Canada)
Turenne
2007-01-23 22:10:11 UTC
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Post by Don Phillipson
< < . . . an englishman whose wife died in France
where they were living. As he needed a black hat for the funeral, he
went to a hatters and asked for 'un capeau noir'. On being told that
they didn't have any 'capeaux noir' he was directed to the pharmacy.
Arriving at the pharmacists he asked again for 'un capeau noir' and
when the pharmacist said sorry they only had them in clear, red and
blue, asked why he wanted a capeau noir, to which the englishman
answered, 'parce que ma femme est mort'.The pharmacist held up his
hands and exclaimed, 'aah, quelle finesse!' > >
Next time you tell the story, remember it is
CAPOTE not CAPEAU. It goes better thus.
--
Don Phillipson
Carlsbad Springs
(Ottawa, Canada)
Thanks, someone *told* me the story, so that's how I assumed it was
spelt. It was a long time ago and I was never much good at French..

Richard Lichten
HVS
2007-01-23 21:48:05 UTC
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Post by retrosorter
A friend recently told me this one-liner: "What do you get when
you cross a condom with a Torah?
Answer- A safer Torah. (in Hebrew, sefer torah refers to Torah
scroll.)
This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual puns.
If you're sick, eat garlic: garlic's good for what ails you.
--
Cheers, Harvey

Canadian and British English, indiscriminately mixed
For e-mail, change harvey.news to harvey.van
Jitze Couperus
2007-01-23 21:57:00 UTC
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Post by retrosorter
A friend recently told me this one-liner: "What do you get when you
cross a condom with a Torah?
Answer- A safer Torah. (in Hebrew, sefer torah refers to Torah scroll.)
This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual puns.
An Anglo-Dutch author was famous (in Holland anyway) for his
bilingual puns. His non de plume was John O'Mill (Jan van der Meulen)

Three that I can remember:

My will is wet
Said Winifred
And pulled her husband into bed.


I bought three pots the other day
I bought them for a prikkie
A pot for here
A pot for there
And a little pot for Dickie


A terrible infant, called Peter
Sprinkled his bed with a gieter
His father got woost,
Took half of a cnoost,
And gave him a pack on his meter

Too hard to explain - if you are fluent in Dutch and its idioms,
they'll cause a chuckle however. But just to give you some
idea -

Moeders "wil is wet" - Mothers will (desire) is the law

"Pot for dickie" - a pun on potverdikkie - a severely bowdlerised
version of a common Dutch oath/expletive

A "pack on his meter" - a pun on pak op zijn mieter - a hiding.

One of the books he wrote was titled "Literary Larycook" itself
a subtle pun. Larycook --> Lariekoek = nonsense.

Jitze
R H Draney
2007-01-23 22:24:04 UTC
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Post by Jitze Couperus
Post by retrosorter
This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual puns.
One of the books he wrote was titled "Literary Larycook" itself
a subtle pun. Larycook --> Lariekoek = nonsense.
Someone once asked Nicklaus Wirth how his surname should be pronounced...he
answered "if you call me by name, it's Veert; if you call me by value, it's
Worth"....

I've been using this picture as a graphic .sig on eBay, where such things are
encouraged:

Loading Image...

....r
--
"You got Schadenfreude on my Weltanschauung!"
"You got Weltanschauung in my Schadenfreude!"
HVS
2007-01-23 22:27:07 UTC
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Post by R H Draney
On 23 Jan 2007 12:08:27 -0800, "retrosorter"
Post by retrosorter
This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual
puns.
One of the books he wrote was titled "Literary Larycook" itself
a subtle pun. Larycook --> Lariekoek = nonsense.
Someone once asked Nicklaus Wirth how his surname should be
pronounced...he answered "if you call me by name, it's Veert; if
you call me by value, it's Worth"....
Guy goes to Hawaii, and asks a native if he should say "ha-wah-ee" or
"ha-vah-ee".

The guy tells him "It's ha-vah-ee".

He says "Thank you".

The guy say "You're velcome".
--
Cheers, Harvey
....ah, the old ones....

Canadian and British English, indiscriminately mixed
For e-mail, change harvey.news to harvey.van
Evan Kirshenbaum
2007-01-23 23:31:43 UTC
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Post by R H Draney
Someone once asked Nicklaus Wirth how his surname should be
pronounced...he answered "if you call me by name, it's Veert; if you
call me by value, it's Worth"....
I think he himself told the joke pretty much any time he gave a talk.
When I heard it, it was "Europeans call me by name, /'niklaUs 'virt/,
and Americans call me by value, /'***@lz wRT/ (nickle's worth)".

For what it's worth, I think of him as /'nIk(@)lIs 'wRT/, even though
I know better.

For the other level of the joke, you have to know that Wirth's
specialty was/is programming language design, and "call by name" and
"call by value" are the names of two mechanisms for passing parameters
to functions.
--
Evan Kirshenbaum +------------------------------------
HP Laboratories |If the human brain were so simple
1501 Page Mill Road, 1U, MS 1141 |That we could understand it,
Palo Alto, CA 94304 |We would be so simple
|That we couldn't.
***@hpl.hp.com
(650)857-7572

http://www.kirshenbaum.net/
Robert Lieblich
2007-01-24 00:08:05 UTC
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Post by Evan Kirshenbaum
Post by R H Draney
Someone once asked Nicklaus Wirth how his surname should be
pronounced...he answered "if you call me by name, it's Veert; if you
call me by value, it's Worth"....
I think he himself told the joke pretty much any time he gave a talk.
When I heard it, it was "Europeans call me by name, /'niklaUs 'virt/,
Another surname joke has a Jewish immigrant from Eastern Europe
assigned the name, in the US, of Sean Ferguson. His original name was
so hard to pronounce in English that on arrival at Ellis Island he
picked out a substitute. But when he was asked for his name he
couldn't remember the substitute, so he blurted out "Schoen
Fergessen." ("I've forgotten.") Voila! Sean Ferguson.

Then there was Sam Ting. This fellow was in line behind his cousin.
They had the same name. The first cousin concluded his business, and
the second cousin stepped up to the table. "What's your name" he was
asked, and he decided to say it was the same as his cousin's. Voila!
Sam Ting.

Hey -- no one said they had to be good puns.
--
Bob Lieblich
Whose grandfather made it through with name unscathed
Skitt
2007-01-24 01:58:36 UTC
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Post by Robert Lieblich
Another surname joke has a Jewish immigrant from Eastern Europe
assigned the name, in the US, of Sean Ferguson. His original name was
so hard to pronounce in English that on arrival at Ellis Island he
picked out a substitute. But when he was asked for his name he
couldn't remember the substitute, so he blurted out "Schoen
Fergessen." ("I've forgotten.") Voila! Sean Ferguson.
Hmm. "Schon", I think. Or "shon".
--
Skitt
Enuff, already
Arfur Million
2007-01-23 22:28:21 UTC
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Post by retrosorter
A friend recently told me this one-liner: "What do you get when you
cross a condom with a Torah?
Answer- A safer Torah. (in Hebrew, sefer torah refers to Torah scroll.)
This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual puns.
Fench food never has two eggs in it, because one egg is always un oeuf.

That's enough,
Arfur
Evan Kirshenbaum
2007-01-23 23:20:51 UTC
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Post by Arfur Million
Post by retrosorter
This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual puns.
Fench food never has two eggs in it, because one egg is always un oeuf.
One Scottish(?) soldier talking to another in France: If you want an
egg, just go to the farmhouse, knock on the door and ask for an "oof".
If you want twa eggs, ask for twa oofs. The stupid biddy'll give you
three, and you give one back.
--
Evan Kirshenbaum +------------------------------------
HP Laboratories |I believe there are more instances
1501 Page Mill Road, 1U, MS 1141 |of the abridgment of the freedom of
Palo Alto, CA 94304 |the people by gradual and silent
|encroachments of those in power
***@hpl.hp.com |than by violent and sudden
(650)857-7572 |usurpations.
| James Madison
http://www.kirshenbaum.net/
Jitze Couperus
2007-01-24 01:18:07 UTC
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Post by retrosorter
A friend recently told me this one-liner: "What do you get when you
cross a condom with a Torah?
Answer- A safer Torah. (in Hebrew, sefer torah refers to Torah scroll.)
This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual puns.
The name of the musical "Oh Calcutta" is allgedly a Franco-English
pun that cannot be discussed in polite company. Not sure if this is
an urban myth or not - but the image used in many of the posters
and advertising materials for the musical would lend credence to this
idea. See for example:

Loading Image...

Jitze
Joe Fineman
2007-01-24 01:18:58 UTC
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Therefore man fills himself with joie de vivre
And goes out to celebrate New Year's Ivre. -- Ogden Nash
--
--- Joe Fineman ***@verizon.net

||: If you pray to God to smite your enemies, Satan is your :||
||: god. :||
William
2007-01-24 01:28:57 UTC
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Post by retrosorter
A friend recently told me this one-liner: "What do you get when you
cross a condom with a Torah?
Answer- A safer Torah. (in Hebrew, sefer torah refers to Torah scroll.)
This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual puns.
Three little french kittens went skating on thin ice... un deux trois
quatre cinq.
--
WH
Allan Adler
2007-01-24 02:59:34 UTC
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Post by retrosorter
This got me wondering if anyone knows any other bilingual puns.
I once had a dream in which Hirzebruch was giving a talk about
fibre bundles (Faeserbundel). At one point, he considered a particular
example in which he started with a vector bundle with metric and removed
its unit ball bundle (a standard construction) and described this operation
as a Faesectomy.

Sorry it isn't more polished. It was a dream, after all.
--
Ignorantly,
Allan Adler <***@zurich.csail.mit.edu>
* Disclaimer: I am a guest and *not* a member of the MIT CSAIL. My actions and
* comments do not reflect in any way on MIT. Also, I am nowhere near Boston.
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