Post by j***@hotmail.com1) What is a more polite word for "shemale"?
and
2) What pronoun does one use to refer to such people?
Try a search for "Androgyny FAQ" and "Androgyny RAQ". There are a
couple on the Web.
This is from <http://www.chaparraltree.com/raq/manners.shtml>
<begin>
M. Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior toward (and by)
Androgynes
(Or, Brothersister Raphael Explains it All to You)
What pronoun does one use for an androgyne, intersexual, epicene,
gender outlaw, or transgendered person?
Obviously, it is polite to accede to people's preferences, if you know
what those preferences are. Guessing wrong is a trivial faux pas that
should be fully atoned for by a quick apology. However, referring to a
person by a pronoun against that person's stated wish is churlish.
M. Manners' own preference, incidentally, is 'whatever makes you feel
comfortable.' Some friends refer to zir as 'he,' some as 'she,' and
that's perfectly fine by zir. A few go so far as to switch
occasionally (which M. Manners calls, with apologies to Janet Kagan,
'hellsparking the pronoun'); others use a nongendered pronoun like
'sie' or 'zie.'
What do I do if I can't tell what sex someone is?
Most of the time, you go through a peculiar dance in trying to find
out, as chronicled ad nauseam on the Saturday Night Live 'Pat' skits.
M. Manners has been asked by an insurance agent, 'Of course, you know,
men pay more for life insurance than women. So, ah, would that be a
good thing or a bad thing?'
Other times, you stutter out 'sir, er, ma'am, um, whatever you are.'
This is known as "radaring", after the way Radar O'Reilly addressed
Major Hoolihan.
Sometimes, too, you respond to ambiguous sex with paralysis, refusing
to use any pronoun at all, and becoming more and more nervous and
uncomfortable as a result.
Occasionally you even see fit to tell an androgyne what sex zie is. M.
Manners zirself was once informed 'you're just a woman with very short
hair -- I didn't realize from the back.'
That, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, is what you do. If you meant
to ask what you should do, the answer is: ask politely what pronoun
the person would prefer. The other solutions are patronizing, inept,
pathetic, and boorish, in that order.
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I must say I'd find it very difficult to ask someone what pronoun he,
she, or zie preferred.
I recently heard a report on the radio on this topic. A
seventeen-year-old had been murdered in San Jose, Cal., by the men she
was partying with once they found out she had male genitals.
Gay-friendly activists, after something like a year of protests, got
the _San Jose Mercury-News_ to use female pronouns for the victim
instead of male, according to her preference and self-identification.
As you see, I went along too.
--
Jerry Friedman