a deal for his release

[navi]

Is this sentence correct:

1) While Hadj was imprisoned, he refused a deal for his release if he
wrote a declaration in support of the French fascist collaborator
Marshal Pétain.

A deal that he would be released if he wrote....

In '1' is the 'if clause' modifying 'his release'?

Source:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relations ... Arab_world

How about:

2) While Hadj was imprisoned, he refused a deal for his release that
would depend on his writing a declaration in support of the French
fascist collaborator Marshal Pétain.

In '2' does the deal depend on his writing... or does his release depend
on it?



--
Gratefully,
Navi


Lost in the Twilight Zone of the English language
Obsessed with ambiguity
Interested in strange structures

[Hibou]

Post by navi
1) While Hadj was imprisoned, he refused a deal for his release if he
wrote a declaration in support of the French fascist collaborator
Marshal Pétain.
A deal that he would be released if he wrote....
In '1' is the 'if clause' modifying 'his release'?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relations ... Arab_world

<https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relations_between_Nazi_Germany_and_the_Arab_world>

Post by navi
2) While Hadj was imprisoned, he refused a deal for his release that
would depend on his writing a declaration in support of the French
fascist collaborator Marshal Pétain.
In '2' does the deal depend on his writing... or does his release depend
on it?

In writing, as in many things, it is often better to start again rather
than patch.

While Hadj was in prison, he refused an offer to release him if he wrote
a declaration supporting Marshal Pétain, the Nazi collaborator.

[jerryfriedman]

Post by navi
1) While Hadj was imprisoned, he refused a deal for his release if he
wrote a declaration in support of the French fascist collaborator
Marshal Pétain.
A deal that he would be released if he wrote....

1 isn't terrible, but I agree that your version is better.
Hibou's is better still.

Post by navi
In '1' is the 'if clause' modifying 'his release'?

I find it a bit hard to understand "if" clauses in
terms of modification.

Post by navi
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relations ... Arab_world
2) While Hadj was imprisoned, he refused a deal for his release that
would depend on his writing a declaration in support of the French
fascist collaborator Marshal Pétain.
In '2' does the deal depend on his writing... or does his release depend
on it?

A distinction without a difference, to coin a phrase.

--
Jerry Friedman